The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society

March 5th, 2010

“Such a pity Mary Ann Shaffer is not around to enjoy her celebrity! Shaffer died in February of this year and thus missed her own miracle—best-sellerdom for a first book written by an already “mature” librarian, former bookseller, and unpublished, aspiring writer. The good news, however, is that her opus is engaging, ingenious and ahead of the publishing game.” Julia Braun Kessler

This paragraph is from a review (website: http://calitreview.com/944)* of a book I read while on vacation, given to me by my sister-in-law. I could not put it down. While it is not about divorce, it is about love: filial, romantic, altruistic.  You name it; it’s there! Kessler is referring to the fact that the author, Mary Ann Shaffer, died before the book was published, It was completed by her niece Annie Barrrows and is a masterpiece!

The novel is written as a series of letters back and forth between the main character Juliet Ashton, who is a writer, and her publisher as well as all the other characters. She finds herself on the island of Guernsey (off the coast of England) immediately after WWII and learns that they were occupied by Germany and cut off from any meaningful communication. She smells a story!

I liked the book on several letters. First, I enjoy the epistolary format. As Wikipedia notes: “the epistolary novel is a novel written as a series of documents. The usual form is letters , although diary entries, newspaper clippings and other documents are sometimes used. Recently, electronic “documents” such as recordings and radio, blogs, and e-mails have also come into use. The word epistolary comes from the Latin word epistola, meaning a letter.”

Second, the characters are endearing, from the main character to all the men and women she meets on the island. One person is missing, taken by the Germans, but she becomes central to the book, as does her daughter, who Juliet cares for while visiting.

Third, it’s a war story without all the blood and gore of war stories. There are some facts about Germany and Guernsey that are not too savory, but nothing like most books about the war. Just about the aftermath and how people not on the battlefield survived those years.

Fourth, it’s a wonderful story. It has humor and sadness, joy and tears.  It reveals some facts about the war that were new to me. And because it is about a writer, I especially loved it.

If you are feeling down because of your divorce or because of the weather, go to the library and get this book. You will be drawn into the story and see that HOPE is everywhere! It is published by Dial Press and available in paperback for $14.00. Perfect as a gift as well.

*P.S For the compete review from The California LIterary Review, go to the website from which I took the quote at the beginning of my review.



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Survival Tip #9: Dayz In:Dayz Out

March 3rd, 2010

Note: I used some of these photos on www.menupause.info, but they are too good not to use again! I have a quote sent to me on a greeting card that seems appropriate here if you think winter has its own beauty, as I do:

“What is beautiful is a joy for all seasons”….Oscar Wilde

Almost 10 years after my divorce, I met a wonderful man from Tennessee. I had dated enough men in the intervening years and had had enough therapy to know that this man could capture my heart. I was ready to “Love Like I’ve Never Been Hurt,” one of the quotes someone sent me on the Internet that I placed on my ‘frig.

Unfortunately, he was separated but not yet divorced. At first, this did not bother me, because he stayed married only to provide his wife with health insurance and I thought that was rather noble. But as our relationship became more serious and we talked about my relocating to Tennessee, his divorce was held up indefinitely.

At that point I had to make a decision. Actually, the feeling in my gut made the decision for me. I decided I could not relocate hundreds of miles away, look for a new job, and leave family and friends unless he was a free agent. Also, I did not want to be witness to a messy divorce. Mine was enough for one lifetime.

The decision was not an easy one, because I felt so comfortable with him and he with me. Our love had begun to grow and both of us shared similar interests. But I realize now that the love still was not deep enough on either of our parts. He wasn’t willing to push through the divorce no matter the consequences, and I wasn’t willing to alter my life without at least knowing he was free, if not to marry, then at least to be fully committed to our relationship.

I spent several months recuperating from that experience and realized that I could no longer swallow “stupid pills,” ignoring the feelings in my gut, which now rule my heart.  My therapist and I spent several sessions on this topic. She noted that I was getting closer to what I wanted, without doing all the compromising. After being sad for this time, I began to realize that if I could find someone as wonderful as this man once, I could find someone else just as wonderful, and slowly began to think about meeting men again.

For me, being single has been a good experience. But I do believe that human beings are meant to be coupled, whether they are male and female, two females, or two males. But I wanted to belong with someone, not to someone. I wanted someone to care for me, not necessarily take care of me, although in times of trouble, I would hope my partner would be there for me and I for him. While actively seeking a partner, I realized that while I would not give up everything I worked for to get this far, I could still be flexible and broadminded in my ideas about finding a mate, but not so broadminded that my brains fall out. (Actually, this is one saying from my ex, which I have borrowed.)

As a woman who came of age in the late 1950s, my cultural orientation could be summed up in a statement I heard many years ago. “To a man, a woman is a woman, but to a woman, a man is her life.” And for 30 years, that was how I lived, until I could not live that way any longer. But I still have that occasional, gnawing feeling in my gut that if I am not with a man, then am I somehow “defective” or “incomplete” What if I never met a man willing to live with a strong-willed over 55 female, flexible yet not a pushover? I think men our age are afraid of us. When I read the singles ads of men over 55, almost everyone was seeking someone much younger.

I don’t really have an answer for these unsettling feelings. Maybe this is also part of growing up, or growing past my old recordings that say, “without a man, woman is nothing.”  How ludicrous this sounds now, but if I listen to my old recordings, it doesn’t.

When I first wrote this chapter, I was striving for balance in my personal life, in my friendships, in my work, and in my desire to find a mate.  I trusted my Higher Power to help me seek this balance. If a mate didn’t appear, then I prayed I could cope with that in as positive a frame of mind as possible, knowing that what I want to give to the world will make a difference in the lives I touch, whether I am alone or with a partner.

Recreating oneself is an awesome task that I think can be accomplished, so long as we continue to surround ourselves with a loving support system. Love comes in many forms—maternal, filial, emotional, and sexual—and I think I have experienced them all at least once. Maybe that will have to be sufficient.  But I feel we must have hope in our heart that love in all its forms will grace our lives.

Note: This chapter was written before I met my second husband. In 2003, after 13 years of being single, I did find a mate.  He was a widower and we married in 2004.  Marriage is still a challenge, but the “single years” have been the best preparation for me, because I know what I need to make my life work and am not afraid to discuss the subject with my spouse, even if he is.  Like the book, Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, for me, Everything I Needed to Know About Marriage I Learned While Being Single.

However, even if I had not remarried, I realized when I was still single after 12 years, that being single was not the worse fate in life, especially if you surround yourself with loved ones who care about you and who you care about.  Being older and single can be daunting, but after 50 you get to make up your own rules for happiness.  Don’t be afraid to apply them.

Create a world that works for you. Your honesty, commitment, and integrity to making a good life for yourself will be only the explanation your family and friends need, if they truly care about you and your happiness.  We don’t live in a vacuum.  Most of do care what others think; we are interdependent human beings. But I truly believe that if you love yourself and “show up” as a loving person to those around you, issues and problems can be worked out.  And if they don’t, have the courage to step back, forgive yourself and the other person, and take steps to keep love in your heart. Don’t allow your problems, especially divorce, destroy your loving self.

The lesson of divorce, for me then, is that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are not just a string of words from the Declaration of Independence.  They are goals that we are entitled to strive for without taking away the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness of others. Divorce may interrupt that process, temporarily, but if you can stay focused on these goals during the dark days of divorce, blue skies with only small clouds await you.

This was supposed to be my final chapter, but now that I am married a second time, I might continue with ideas on dating and remarriage. Just remember, trees covered with snow bloom in the Spring. If your heart is covered with snow now, allow it to thaw so you  can blossom in the Spring! And like the giraffe, my “power animal,” don’t be afraid to stick your neck out to get what you need! (The note below is what my brother sent with his pictures from Zambia, because he knows I love giraffes.)

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Glitch in the system

February 23rd, 2010

For those of you reading Divorce-Dayz, you might be seeing some duplication. Something was stuck in my WordPress program and when it was resolved, I had already posted some of the articles. Now I think my web guy fixed everything, so I apoligize for any duplication that automatically went through while he was correcting the problem.

For example, Article 2 of Money Matters is before Article 3 because of the glitch, so you may have to scroll down past Article 2 to get to 3.

Oh, well, the Internet is like us, not perfect!

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Money Matters: Article 2

February 22nd, 2010

This is a portion of an article by Ameriprise. Their emphasis is on retirement plans, so I am posting only the part that I feel is pertinent to this topic on my blog. Go to their website for a full report, please.

Dealing with Divorce and the Impact on your Personal Financial Situation

Divorce can be a lengthy process that puts a strain on your finances as well as your emotions. With the right preparation, however, you can protect your interests and take charge of your future financial well-being.

Getting your immediate finances in order: If you and your spouse can agree on most issues, you can file an uncontested divorce and avoid costly legal fees. If you’ve decided to hire an attorney, preparing your information in advance can also save money and time. Either way, you’ll want to make sure your immediate finances are in order.

Here are some steps to take:

1. Prepare a budget and a financial plan to sustain you until your divorce is final.

2. Review monthly bank and financial statements and make copies for your attorney.

3. Review all tax returns that have been filed jointly or separately by your spouse.

4. Make sure all taxes have been paid to date.

5. Review the contents of any safe-deposit boxes.

6. Avoid large purchases that may cause financial hardship.

7. Don’t move out of the house before consulting your attorney.

8. Don’t transfer or give away jointly owned assets.

9. Never sign a blank financial statement or any other document without reviewing it with your attorney.

Starting a new life:

The best way to start fresh is to identify your long-term goals. Doing so can help you choose a strategy that lets you plan for the future while you manage your daily needs. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you earn enough money to support yourself and your family? Should you consider alimony?

2. Which assets do you really want? Which are you willing to let your spouse keep?

3. Will you have enough money to pay outstanding debt on the assets you keep?

4. What are your goals for retirement?

5. Whose health insurance plan should cover your children (if any)?

6. Work with a financial advisor or someone you know who is financially savvy.

Note: Since these a a three-part series on the same topic, I am repeating the photos for emphasis.

Source: http://retirement.ameriprise.com/investment-advice-life-events/financial-planning-in-divorce.asp

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Money Matters: Article 3

February 20th, 2010

Note: Here is the last in my three-part series that I found on The Internet. Hope these have been helpful. I wish this article had been around when I was going through my divorce! It has excellent financial advice.

CRITICAL FINANCIAL MISTAKES IN DIVORCE

by Lee Skater, MBA,CPA®,CDFA

Becoming a Financial Victim

1. If you suspect that your spouse is planning a divorce, make copies of all important financial records such as account statements (savings, stockbroker, real estate partnership) and data that relates to your marital life style (checking accounts, charge card statements, tax returns).

2. If you believe that your spouse may liquidate or retitle marital assets, notify the holder in writing and get a restraining order from the court. Watch out for cash in joint checking, brokerage accounts or cash value of life insurance. If assets are taken, legal and forensic accounting fees could become excessive.

Not Considering Mediation or Collaborative Divorce (See my earlier article on Collaborative Divorce)

If assets are moderate, joint custody is workable and your spouse is agreeable to a fair settlement, mediation or collaborative divorce can save thousands of dollars in legal fees, emotional aggravation and provide more flexibility then the adversarial legal process.

Hiring a Combative Lawyer to Punish Your Spouse

This is a very bad idea for two reasons. First, except in extremely egregious cases, divorce settlements are determined by equitable distribution laws and courts will not punish your ex-spouse financially for being a bad person. Second, your attorney assumes carte blanche to increase hours spent on your case. High divorce costs mean less money will be leftover for living. Treat divorce as a business arrangement and get your revenge by living well post-divorce.

Failing to Recognize Your Common Enemy….the I.R.S.

Work together with a divorce financial planner or tax accountant to minimize the total taxes you and your ex will pay during separation and after divorce and share the money you save. Don’t forget that both parties are liable for taxes due as a result of audits on joint returns. Don’t count on the innocent spouse rule to protect you!!

Not Producing an Accurate Budget

Invariably, clients underestimate or omit expenses when they produce their initial budget for temporary maintenance (Pendente Lite) and later on in the divorce process they complain about not being unable to pay bills. Use a financial professional to help you produce an accurate and complete budget.

Disregarding the Impact of Taxes on Assets in a Divorce Settlement

The bottom line is the share of marital assets you get after the tax man gets his. Say your spouse handles all the investments and offers to split them 50/50. Sounds fair? I suggest you look at the value of your assets relative to your spouse on an after tax basis. Then decide if you like the deal.

Failure to Use Computer Models to Evaluate Settlement Proposals

If you are trying to decide whether a divorce settlement is equitable and workable, you certainly want to know how you will be doing financially 3, 5 or 10 years down the road. There are many interactive factors you must consider including assets, incomes, budgets, maintenance and child support, taxes, retirement plans, investments and educational expenses. Specialized divorce computer models produce comprehensive and realistic analyses of your post-divorce lifestyle.

Bringing an Emotional Attachment to Assets to Divorce Negotiations

The marital residence, the pension your earned, a painting purchased during your marriage- these assets bring an emotionally charged debate to divorce negotiations. The fact is many woman can’t afford the house and give a low priority to retirement planning. A house is an asset that has a low return on investment (real estate appreciates at the rate of 2 or 3 % annually) and is a major cash expense (mortgage payments, taxes, repairs, heat and electricity).

Using Your Divorce Lawyer as a Financial Planner, Therapist or Messenger

One woman I spoke with ran up $35,000 in legal fees in just 2 months. Arrangements for her husband’s parental visitations were made through their matrimonial lawyers. Attorneys generally charge $200 to $300 per hour ($450 for partners in well known New York City and Los Angeles matrimonial firms) and are not skilled therapists or certified financial planners. If you need emotional support, career counseling or financial analysis, utilize qualified professionals and save big money in lawyer’s fees.

Beware of Settlement Offers That Look Too Good

Both spouses and children must make compromises in their life styles post divorce. A settlement that does not give one spouse enough money to live on is likely to go into default in the future. Be fair, but verify the numbers. Get payments up front whenever possible even if you get less in total. Secure all payments with assets and insurance.

Disregarding the Long Term Impact of Inflation

The effects of inflation on the cost of a child’s college education 15 years in the future or retirement 20 years hence, can be dramatic. The rule of 72 is a simple way to judge the impact of inflation. If the inflation rate is 3%, the rule of 72 states that prices will double in 24 years (72/3=24). College costs at 5% inflation will double in 14.5 years (72/5=14.5).

Not Waiting Until the Wife Is Eligible for Her Husband’s Social Security

If a couple is married for 10 years or longer, a wife is entitled to receive half of her husband’s social security at retirement. Her ex-husband’s social security payments are unaffected. It’s ironic that the average length of marriage for people who get divorced is 9.6 years. Waiting just 6 months longer will increase a wife’s retirement options with no reduction in her husband’s payments.

Forgetting to Update Estate Documents

After heavily contested divorces, many people forget to change the beneficiaries on their life insurance policies, IRA’s and Will. The result is that their ex-spouse ends up inheriting their estate which they really wanted to leave to their children, new partner or favorite charity.

Failure to Adequately Insure the Divorce Settlement Premature death or disability of your ex-spouse can result in loss of maintenance, child support, college tuition or property settlement.

Life and disability insurance can guarantee your payments and your family’s security. Also, don’t ignore the high cost of purchasing individual health insurance.

Failure to Develop a Post-Divorce Financial Plan

One indisputable fact of divorce is that two households cost more to operate than one, but income is unchanged. Many people start their post-divorce lives not fully understanding that their settlement must last a significant amount of time…perhaps the rest of their lives. Financial planning can help people transition from married to single lifestyle by prioritizing financial goals, developing realistic expectations and producing written plans for allocation of financial resources.

CFP®, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and federally registered flame logo are certification marks owned by Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. These marks are awarded to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements.

http://www.divorceandfinance.org/articles/slater1.php

To end this series of articles, I would like to leave you with a quote I saw in front of a church as I was driving down Route One last week:

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!

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The Art of Hugging by William Cane

February 13th, 2010

I just posted this book review on my website www.menupause.info, but thought it would also be appropriate for Divorce Dayz, since when we are going through a divorce or are in a post-divorce state of shock, hugging may be exactly what  we all need!


William Cane, touted as the world-famous kissing coach, has written a small but mighty book on hugging called The Art of Hugging. Based on a worldwide questionnaire, Cane explores why, where, and how to hug. One chapter is devoted to hugging techniques and dos and don’ts in many different countries.

Part One explores the “Hugging State of Mind,” including the origins of the word “hug,” which apparently is an old Norse verb hugga, meaning to comfort or soothe. The most interesting part of this section is the sex differences in hugging, that is, how men and women view hugging differently. A chart for men and another for women lists their reasons/preferences from one to 10.

Part Two is entitled “The Hugging Encyclopedia,” which describes a long list of the types of hugs, from The Bear Hug to the Family Hug to the Sexual Hug. Cane even includes holding hands and connecting physically while walking as hugs.

Part Three explores “The Hugging Technique,” that is, the best position for hugging, how to hug a baby, the best way to hug in a car, and what to do with your hands while hugging.

Whether you hug platonically, more physically, or sexually, after reading this small but powerful primer on hugging, I realize that hugging isn’t necessarily instinctive because many people are uncomfortable with hugging.  William Cane convinced me that hugging is truly an art, and this Valentine’s Day I plan to practice this art!

This book is published by St. Martin’s Press and costs $7.95. A great gift for someone you love who needs a little shove to start hugging!

P.S. Remember XOXOXOXO means hugs and kisses!

P.P.S. When I was single and Valentine’s Day was not a good day for me, I started celebrating V-Day, started by Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues. This day is to bring into focus the need to end violence against women and girls everywhere, which Eve and her staff and volunteers practice every day. Check out her website:  www.VDay.org/home. Here is the logo:

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Money Matters: Article I

February 7th, 2010

Divorce is often devastating financially. In my case, my ex went bankrupt with our family business and we lost just about everything. Talk about starting over…. So, I decided to download some information on money matters to help you cope.  One of my readers has published a book and when I can find out more information about her book, I will post this as well. Have not been able to reach her.

In the meantime, I found three articles about money & divorce, all  of which appeared in a few days of one another. Here is the first one:

Getting a divorce is a messy business, both personally and financially. Don’t be in such a hurry to reach a settlement that you make these costly financial mistakes:

Having unrealistic expectations. “Divorce will put a cramp on your lifestyle,” asserts Violet Woodhouse, author of Divorce & Money: How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce. One household is about to be split into two. Unless you’re a rock star–or a Rockefeller–expect money to be a little tight.

Not communicating. If you don’t share information with your spouse or your lawyer, you’ll just end up paying for the legal work it’ll take to get it.

Getting into an endless battle. Turning the courtroom into a battleground will drain your emotions and your finances. Pick your battles wisely and “don’t end up paying for your lawyer’s kids’ education,” advises John Crouch, a family law attorney who practices in Arlington, Virginia.

Getting hung up on the numbers. A fair split is not necessarily an even split. Woodhouse counsels her clients to assess their tolerance for risk before deciding how to divide their financial assets. One spouse may not mind taking over a risky stock portfolio; the other may prefer the relative security of a bond fund.

Focusing on the present and not on the future. Make sure you understand the financial implications of your decisions. Rather than accepting a BMW worth $35,000, for example, consider taking a mutual fund with the same current market value. The car will depreciate; the fund, if chosen wisely, probably won’t.

Forgetting to assess tax. Don’t forget to factor in the tax costs of every financial decision you make. For instance, two stock portfolios of seemingly equal dollar value might really be worth completely different amounts, depending on capital gains.

Overlooking important information. In the struggle to keep your divorce simple, make sure you have information on absolutely everything that will affect your financial future: all assets, investment funds, retirement pensions, and so on.

Failing to untangle all joint finances. Keep your finances mingled and your financial future could be jeopardized if your former spouse defaults on payments, commits fraud, goes bankrupt, or becomes disabled. You might also be liable for any debt that your spouse has incurred under your name. Make sure you have worked out a way cut or minimize all financial ties that bind you before the divorce rather than after it.

Failing to take into account the amount of time you’ll to get your career back on track. If you gave up your career when you got married, it probably won’t be easy to jump back into the workforce. Don’t be surprised when the costs–both financially and emotionally–of resuming your old business turn out to be greater than you’d thought.

From: www.forbes.com Top Financial Divorce Mistakes by Leah Hoffman


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FULL COURSE DIVORCE: Act Four, (Final) Scene Four

February 2nd, 2010

Note: In this short, final scene, things are looking better, so I searched my photos for the prettiest flowers.

ACT FOUR

Scene Four


Bekka

How did it go in court, Mom? Does Dad have to pay the premium?

Kate

Yes, and he also has to pay for the court fees, even though I took him to court. The judge was going to fine him, but ordered that he pay the court fees instead. Now the policy is secure for your education.

Bekka

I’m sorry you had to go back in court. I know how much you hated it when you and Dad were divorcing.

Kate

Yes, but I felt much more confident this time, because I knew your Dad had violated the terms of the divorce.

Bekka

He has a hard time keeping his promises, I think. He always tells me we’ll do all these terrific things and then he backs out.

Kate

Yes, he did that during the separation and divorce proceedings. I think he has grand ideas and then can’t live up to them. I am sorry he disappoints you.

Bekka

It’s okay. I’m old enough now to know that parents aren’t perfect.  But today was a good day for you. Let’s celebrate!

Kate

I got an idea! How about if we both get a manicure and then go out to eat?

Bekka

Wow! I’ve never had a manicure. But I’m starving. Can we eat first, please?

Kate

Absolutely. First dinner— and then a manicure.

Bekka

Can I have my nails painted orange? It’s my favorite color.

Kate

Orange? (She shrugs) Why not? I’m gonna get me a full set of nails and I may just paint mine green!

The two walk off stage, Kate’s arm around Bekka’s shoulders, and Bekka’’s arm around her mother’s waist. Both of them are looking at their free hand in anticipation of their manicures and a full set of nails!

The End

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FULL COURSE DIVORCE: Act Four: Full Set of Nails

January 26th, 2010

Act Four

Full Set of Nails

Scene One

This scene takes place in the courtroom. It’s the last of Kate’s “trial by fire” as she negotiates for what she can get to survive as a single mother. Her lawyer’s name is Bill.

Note: Since this is Kate’s “trial by fire” courtroom scene, I downloaded “fire pictures.”

Kate

Bill, I don’t think I can take any more of this bullshit. Mitch is lying right and left. He is accusing me of adultery, when both of us agreed to an open marriage concept, which obviously did not work.

Bill

Look, Kate, your husband went bankrupt and you have lost everything. Let me at least get you some decent alimony and child support for you and Bekka until you get on your feet.

Kate

OK. But my heart is pounding and my stomach is churning and my head feels like a bowling bowl with two holes leaking all my common sense.

Bill

I promise it will only be a few minutes longer.

(Addresses the Court)

Your honor, my client will be leaving the area to look for a job in New York. She has custody of their daughter and will need to reestablish herself financially, so we ask the court to be generous with child support and alimony.

Mitch

(blurting out of order)

But, your honor, she ’s an adulteress!

Judge

(addressing Mitch’s lawyer)

Your client is out of order. (Pause) I don’t know if this allegation is true, Mr. Mitchell. But since you are here for a no-fault divorce, this issue is irrelevant, Besides, even adulteresses have to eat!

Bill

Thank you, your honor. We realize that Mr. Mitchell is bankrupt, but Mrs. Mitchell was his partner for 15 years in the business, so his loss is hers as well. She has been out of her field for almost two decades and will have to start all over again. She plans to return to college for a master’s degree in journalism.

Judge

That’s very admirable, but in Mr. Mitchell’s financial situation, which I reviewed last night, he cannot be expected to pay for his wife’s education. His alimony and child support reflect his current situation and will be re-evaluated in six months.

To Mitch: Mr. Mitchell, I have reviewed you current job income and household expenses, based on the financial statement your lawyer submitted. I believe you have an obligation to your family and award your wife $150 week alimony and $75 week child support for the next six months. Then it will be reviewed.

Mitch

But, your honor….(His lawyer indicates him to be quiet with a shake of his head.)

Judge

Your first payment of $225 is due in 10 days, then each week thereafter on the first Monday of each week. Is that clear?

Mitch

Yes, your honor.

Judge

All the other terms we discussed will be spelled out in my report, which your lawyers will receive in 10 days to two weeks. Case dismissed.

After the court hearing, Kate goes limp and puts her head between her hands, face down, so she does not have to look at Mitch. Her lawyer pats her on the back and whispers something to her. She nods and he leaves. Kate takes out her cell phone and calls her sister.

Kate

Pat, it’s over. I was awarded $225 a week for the next 6 months; then a review. But the house, the business, and the furniture are gone with the bankruptcy.

Pat

Oh, I’m sorry, sis. But now you are free to move back to New York and go to school.

Kate

I didn’t tell the court I had already been accepted to journalism school and had a full scholarship based on my income.

Pat

Now you’re getting smart. The less Mitch knows, the better, because he will only use it against you later.

Kate

I can’t believe how vindictive he was! I never thought he would be so mean in court.

Pat

Fear will do that.

Kate

Fear of what? That I was going to get a lot of alimony? Or ask for my shares in the corporation? Like I told him when he gave me a million shares at $1.00 each while the business was going under: “Mitch, a million times zero is still zero.”

Pat

You’ve got that right. Now, how ‘bout if I treat you and Bekka for dinner? Joe is on a business trip and won’t be back until tomorrow.

Kate

That sounds great! You know Bekka loves Chinese food, so how about if we go to that new restaurant in town?

Pat

Gotcha! I’ll met you there a little before six and I’ll make a reservation. It’s a new restaurant so it’s likely to be busy. Everybody in town is trying it.

Kate

OK. See you later. Thanx, sis.


End of Scene One, Act Four

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FULL COURSE DIVORCE: Act Four: Scenes Two & Three

January 24th, 2010
In these two scenes, Kate seems to be gaining back some of her confidence, so the pictures I chose are those of flowers or flowering trees, since flowers are a sign that winter has passed and spring has come.

Act Four

Scene Two

Six months later

Kate

(Talking to her sister from her apt. in N.Jersey outside  NY)

School is hard, but I love it. We visited a newspaper here and spoke to some of the editors. I had a chance to speak to the food editor, since that’s my focus. She actually shares a job with a male editor and they look at the restaurant and food scene from the male/female angle.

Pat

That’s great! And how is Bekka doing in her new school?

Kate

She’s made some new friends and she misses her old ones. So do I.

Pat

Yes, but you’ve got each other to lean on. That’s important.

Kate

Right! You know she’s a night owl and I’m a morning person. Getting her up in the morning is a major chore. Then at night she wants to talk and all I can do is mumble. But she’s a good kid and I am so happy she’s with me. When she visits Mitch, it always takes her a day or two to get back to herself. He’s dating someone now and the last time she was at his place, the woman slept over. Bekka said she knocked on their door to ask Mitch something and when she went in, his girlfriend was holding the blanket under her arms and was obviously naked underneath. She really got upset.

Pat

Bekka only goes there on week-ends once a month. Can’t he keep his pecker in his pocket on that one week-end? God! Men!

Kate

I know. I can’t even think about dating yet. But I did speak to my old boyfriend Harvey in Florida and he invited me for a visit. He’s been divorced 10 years.

Pat

If you want to go over a long week-end, I’ll watch Bekka.

Kate

Thanks. Let me think about it. Harvey was really sweet on the phone. He let me cry on his shoulder a little.

Pat

Good. Just don’t have a pity party if you go down there. Go to have a good time.

Kate

I know. I’ve spent the last six months feeling sorry for myself and that’s over. I’m ready to return to the land of the living.

Pat

Great! Oops, gotta go. I have a customer. Speak to you later. Love ya!

Kate

Love you, too. ‘Bye.

End of Scene Two



ACT FOUR

Scene Three

Middle of Courtroom Procedure

Bill

Your honor, six months ago my client was awarded child support and alimony as part of the divorce agreement. Included in that agreement was the ruling that Mr. Mitchell would also pay the premium on the one remaining insurance policy that the bank did not take as part of Mr. and Mitchell’s business. Mr. Mitchell negotiated with the bank to save this one policy to pay for his youngest daughter’s college education in the event he died before she completed her education. Now he refuses to pay that premium. My client, Mrs. Mitchell, would like to explain why.

Judge

Mrs. Mitchell, remember you are under oath.

Kate

Yes, your honor.

Soon after our divorce, my husband, that is, my ex-husband called to ask me if I would allow him to change the insurance policy from whole life to term, because the premiums on whole life were too high. I agreed so long as the conditions of the first policy were maintained. Then he called back a couple of days later to tell me he wanted to add $10,000 to the policy that would be designated to his new wife. He married right after our divorce was finalized.

I called my lawyer Bill and he advised me to tell Mitch that if he wanted to insure his new wife, he should take out a separate policy for her. I relayed that information to Mitch and he was so angry with my answer that he told me from now on I would have to pay the premium, if I wanted the policy to stay intact. I did so when the first bill came, but I am working only part-time and also in school, so I really don’t have the funds to continue to do this. When I called Bill about making payments for my divorce proceedings and told him what happened, he said he would set up a court date to bring this to you, since he is obliged to pay the premium.

Judge

Mr. Mitchell, the fact that you have a new wife is of no concern of this court. However, the fact that you have violated the agreement so soon after the divorce is of great concern to this court. Do you have anything to say before I make my ruling?

Mitch

Just that I am also strapped for money, what with the bankruptcy, a new wife, a new job. The premiums on two separate policies are too much for me.

Judge

Sorry. The ruling from your divorce still holds. You agreed to the stipulations of the divorce and whatever financial problems you may have because of your new situation are irrelevant. In fact, you could be fined for not paying the premium, but since you are going to have to pay for these court proceedings, I believe that will be fine enough.

You are hereby required to keep the agreement of the divorce for the new policy. I see here that the term policy payment is only $100 per quarter ,as opposed to $300 per quarter for the former whole life policy. Your wife is generous enough to accept the change in policy, so I do not think it is too much to ask that you pay this premium. In addition to the court fees, you are also required to send Mrs. Mitchell a check within ten days for the premium she already paid for you. Is that clear?

Mitch

Yes, your honor. (Looks down at the floor.)

Judge

Case dismissed.

Mitch leaves and Kate & Bill stay to talk over the hearing.

Bill

Congratulations, Kate. If for some reason the check Mitch is supposed to send you does not arrive within 10 days, please call my office.

Kate

Thanks so much, Bill. These last six months have been rough, especially with his remarriage before the ink on our divorce was dry. He wouldn’t even buy Bekka a new dress for the event. He said he could only buy her a blouse. I had to borrow a dressy skirt from a friend. And then he refused to pay this premium. I’m glad I called your office.

Bill

So am I. Don’t be afraid to be strong on matters that you know you are right.

Kate

My older sister has been divorced for a long time. She said she had to grow a full set of nails to get what she had earned in her marriage. Then she told me it was time for me to grow mine.

Bill

That’s an interesting metaphor for strength— a full set of nails. I’ll have to remember that! Take care, Kate.

Kate

I will, and thanks!   (Kate leaves with a small smile on her face.)

End of Scene Three


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