Archive for July, 2010

Single Parenting and Money Matters

Friday, July 30th, 2010

Note: Photos are from the rose garden at Butchart Gardens in Victoria, B.C., Canada.  I purposely selected single roses.

I have written about the subject of money before, but the book I just read has such hard core facts that I wanted to share this information with you.  The book is called The Two Income Trap by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi (mother & daughter duo). Most of the book is about the cost of owning a house with the startling statement that the average middle-class family can no longer buy a home unless both parents work.

Since those of you reading this blog are probably divorced or considering it,  you may have already realized that if you do separate or have separated, one income isn’t enough to keep your house, if you are a homeowner. (Please read more below about single parenting and bankruptcy.)


In this book, there was an entire chapter devoted to single parenting called “Going it Alone in a Two-Income World.” What I found interesting was the quote that “This year more children will live through their parents’ bankruptcy than their parent’s divorce.” (This book was published in 2003 by Basic Books, so the stats are seven years old.)  Since my ex-husband went bankrupt with our family business, I experienced both of these—bankruptcy while going through divorce. Not sure there is a statistic on that one! But the loss of income was devastating and I never regained the middle class standard of living we had while I was single.

What was even more relevant was the co-authors’ statement that, “If current trends persist, more that one of every six single mothers will go bankrupt by the end of the decade”…..And they estimate that the number of single mothers in bankruptcy has increased more than 600% in the last 20 years.



If you are facing bankruptcy, I suggest you find someone who can help you through this difficult period. Unfortunately, my husband went bankrupt with our business and the bank took our home, a big insurance policy, and much more.  Since it was business-related, and I was no longer a partner, my hands were tied.  But if you are facing personal bankruptcy, either while going through divorce or after you become legally single, please get help. (See below.)



I Googled the topic of single moms and bankruptcy and found this information:

“If you are a single mom facing overwhelming debt that you have no hope of paying, we urge you to take charge of your situation. Call for a free consultation with a bankruptcy attorney and learn about your options.”

You can call: 602-468-3328 · 602-GOT-DEBT · or go on their website, www.wantafreshstart.com, and contact them for help.


Next to Normal Poem

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

In May I posted the review of Next to Normal, the Pulitzer Prize winning play about a woman with bi-polar disorder (previous  name :manic-depressive disorder). I saw this powerful play last November, and the female lead, Alice Ripley, was so excellent that I wrote her a poem the next day and mailed it. I did not hear from her, but the letter didn’t come back, so I assume she received it. I thought I didn’t save it, but I did, so I thought I would post it today, with flowers from Victoria, Canada’s Butchart Gardens in between the lines to soften the words. Feel free to return to A Play for May in the May posting.

The Three Faces of Leave
A Tribute to Alice Ripley in Next to Normal

By Ellen Sue Spicer-Jacobson
November 23, 2009

This sunken garden was once a huge hole that had been quarried by Mrs. Butchart’s husband. Mrs. Butchart transformed it into this!

 

Part I

You can leave in anger with all its pain

But don’t buy into “no pain, no gain.”

You can leave in sadness with all its tears

For the slow loss of love over many years.

You can leave in Peace, the hardest to do.

I spent eons on that; it’s finally come true.

 

You can rant and rage, holler & scream.

It won’t change the facts, won’t buy back the dream.

One day you’ll wake up, tired of crying,

Tired of self-pity and tired of lying.

 

You’ll pick up the pieces left over from grieving

And consider the option you chose for leaving.

Decide then and there to say, “Pain be gone!”

Look into your soul and then move on…

 

To Life on your terms, rich or poor;

Be kind to yourself, open ev’ry door.

For the world is waiting for your special gift…

That’s been locked deep inside—give the lid a lift.


Part II

I spent years in anger, in sadness & grieving.

I’ve learned there is no easy way of leaving.

Life’s far from easy & not necessarily fair.

Because love & fear* are always there.

 

Maybe Next to Normal is all you will get.

Grab it, hold it, have not one regret…

For Next to Normal may be what’s REAL.

And when you accept that, you can begin to feel….

 

 

Part III

Feel the pain and yes, feel the sorrow.

Know that there’s always another tomorrow

To reach inside and love yourself;

No more hiding on a dusty shelf.

 

Kick up your heels; brush off the dust.

Live Life in loving, forgiveness & trust.

Your waiting heart is tired of grieving;

No more need to go on leaving.

 

Next to Normal sounds perfect to me…

Live it! Love it! Let it be!

This fountain at Butchart Gardens was spellbinding because it changed directions and made different patterns.

 

* In A course in Miracles, Love & Fear are considered the only real emotions.

Women’s Health Matters – First Posting

Monday, July 19th, 2010

Note: Divorce can be devastating to your health, so I am posting this here as well as on Menupause. (Menopause is a time of hormonal changes, so keeping healthy is also important. Thus the double posting, although it appears here first, because today I posted a profile of comedian David Naster. Humor during divorce is also important, so feel free to check out www.menupause.info and click on Profiles.)

These are not endorsements, just information that I pass along to you with the idea that you may find one or two useful. If so, then gathering it has not been in vain, and if not, then I apologize for wasting your time.  The notes will be brief and to the point and you can go further on your own if need be.  Healthy Reading!

P.S. To brighten the information, I am including photos from our last day on the cruise when we took a trip to Butchart Gardens in Victoria, British Columbia. Absolutely beautiful gardens and gorgeous flowers! I have a guide book to the flowers and plants from the gardens, although many look the same, so my labeling may not be correct. If you know the correct  name, please comment.

Salpiglossis (Painted Tongue)

Nugget #1: Dorothea Hunter writes in the February 2010 Healthwise Magazine that women who use insecticides (like Raid) to kill bugs either six or more times a year increase their risk of developing two autoimmune diseases, rheumatoid arthritis and lupus. This came from a report from Dr. Christine Parks of the NIH (National Institute of Health.)

My comment: You can make non-harmful bug sprays. Go to www.eartheasy.com for natural solutions to insect control or to http://www.savingcentswithsense.net. This website suggests combining any kind of dish detergent with gin and vinegar. Maybe the bugs get drunk and collapse!!!

Lavatera (Mallow) or a kind of Hibiscus, which is also the mallow family


Nugget #2: “Power Napping” is considered a better way to recharge your batteries that leaning on caffeine, or so says an article called Snooze Control in Wed MD the Magazine (June 2010). According to Sara C. Mednick, PhD, who has written Take a Nap! Change Your Life, with co-author Mark Ehrman, napping even 15 to 20 minutes can reset your system , increase your motor performance, and helps boost memory as well as enhance creativity.

My comment: I have been taking naps all my life. My mother loved to nap, so I guess the idea rubbed off on me. I agree that it recharges my body’s batteries and takes the edge off fatigue. I hope to buy the book mentioned above and review in the future.

Mixture of Yellow Daisies, Poppies and perhaps Cardinal Lobelia (left to right)


Nugget #3: This from Suze Orman’s 2007 book noted in O Magazine (June 2007)— Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny. The excerpt lists “The Eight Qualities of a Wealthy Woman” (that can translate into financial success).

1&2. Harmony and Balance- Harmony is defined as an agreement between what you think, say and do, while balance is a state of stability that allows you to make sound judgments to enhance your financial security.

3&4. Wisdom and Courage – Wisdom is the ability to make sensible decisions while courage is what lets us assert our opinions with confidence. (Ex. If you tell you mother you love her, but can’t bail her out financially at the expense of your financial survival, you need both wisdom and courage.)

5&6: Generosity and Happiness – Both parties need to benefit for a gesture to be considered generous and happiness manifests itself through generosity.  For example, you can make a financial donation to a worthy cause and feel good about it, but don’t deplete your bank account in the process.

7&8. Cleanliness and Beauty –Removing clutter brings clarity that makes achieving our goals easier and it is a sign of (good) control. And when you bring the previous seven qualities in to your life, you feel beautiful. (Suze’s words, not mine.)

My comment: These qualities seem to be important for all aspects of my life, not just my financial security, so I plan to read this book to gain more understanding of these eight important qualities. And concerning divorce, these 8 qualities are worth investigating, especially 3 & 4!


Delphiniums (Pacific Giant Mix)

RESPECT: A Review

Monday, July 12th, 2010


Note: Seems as though I am doing a lot of book and play reviews this season, but there is so much great stuff out there, I want to pass it along. In May I saw the plat RESPECT and reviewed it in www.menupause.info.  At the Intermission, I spotted a book by the same name, contacted the author Dorothy Marcic, and received a review copy of the book, which expands on the play and adds great historical information to the play.

The author, Dorothy Marcic, has written an insightful and delightful book about women and popular music, which is actually the subtitle. Like the play, the book follows women’s progress from being dependent on their spouses to having a strong sense of self, with or without a man. The Dedication Page is a strong indication of what is to come: To my grandmothers, Dorothy Nelson Stordock and Josephine Druks Marcic, who lived courageously through many hardships, teaching me respect and strength.”

When I emailed Marcic about how she came to do the play and the book, this was her reply:

Living in Nashville, I hung around people who  were doing stuff  with music, like  analyzing lyrics. I decided to use  music to help  teach concepts in my Leadership seminars. It was wildly  successful.  When I got asked, in  1999, to give a talk about equality of  men and  women at the Baha’i  Social and Economic development conference  in  Orlando, I decided to use  some songs to illustrate my points, and when  I went to look at songs  since 1900 that women sang, the whole story of  women was laid out  there.

Since the book is all about music, the author has cleverly divided the chapters into movements. The title of the chapter is a movement and within the chapters there are verses: Here’s an example of how they are listed:

First Movement: Invisible, Dependent, and Sexy
Verse One: 1900-1929“I’ll Cook and Pay the Rent so Long as he Stays With Me”
Verse Two: 1930-1939 – “Innocent Sexpot Betty Boop and the Songs of the Depression”

Thus, each chapter in the movement and verse format explores the role of women and the archetypes of women’s development from 1900 through the 1900s through popular songs of the day. The archetypes range from the dependent/martyr type in the earlier part of the century to the compliant/jezebel type mid-century, onto the social/rebel in the 1960s, then more assertive and responsible female in the late 1980s and nineties.

Marcic draws upon statistics from the US Department of Labor publications, giving us such tidbits as how many women were in the workforce throughout the century, indicating a rise in WWII (Rosie the Riveter), then a decline after “our boys came home” to reclaim their jobs. Then came a steady increase in the second half of the century, especially after the Women’s Movement of the 19060s, spurred by Betty Frieden’s book, “The Feminine Mystique” and all that followed.

Throughout the book are snippets of song lyrics we all remember, such as “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar,” by Helen Reddy, or some oldies such as “Bill Bailey Won’t You Please Come Home”? Interspersed between the lyrics and the data and Dorothy’s own personal journey as she wrote this book are personal comments by people who attended her performances. (Marcic performed in  RESPECT the first six months as a one women play,  when it played in West  Palm Beach and  Ft. Lauderdale.When I saw it, there were four women performing the play. And her one woman play came before this book.)

History was not my favorite topic in school, both high school and college, because it always seemed so dry.  But Dorothy Marcic’s history of women in the 20th century through popular music makes history come alive!  In fact, I would recommend this book become a “text” in Women’s Studies at the high school and college levels.

Anyone who is interested in the way we as women have changed from meek, invisible “second-class” citizens to assertive, strong females capable of excelling in almost every profession imaginable, including those that were traditionally “reserved” for men, such as carpenters, doctors, scientists, etc. will find this book both entertaining and educational.

Sheila Shipley Biddy, President and owner of Shipley Biddy Entertainment, wrote the Foreword of Respect and some of her comments are worth quoting. They also summarize the concept of this terrific book:

For centuries women have fought the internal, and often external, battle to find their rightful place in this world……In the music industry, women have fought the battle to be heard in song and behind the scenes in executive offices throughout the United States. …..  Down through history, women have found their release through song….Dorothy Marcic heard those voices and chronicled the history of these songs in the twentieth century.

To purchase directly from Amazon.com, click on the icon below. (The one from Amazon may be a newer cover):


Eat, Pray, Love: A Book Review

Monday, July 5th, 2010

Eat, Pray, Love, an autobiography by Elizabeth Gilbert, is now a movie starring Julia Roberts. I have not seen the movie yet, so I thought I would review the book now and then compare it with a review of the movie after I do see it.

The subtitle of this book is “One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia.” That about sums it up in one sentence.  What the subtitle does not reveal is the richness of the language, the depth of Gilbert’s honesty, and the flow of the book from one section to the next. She reveals feelings that many of us are afraid to talk about, which is one reason I like the book so much.

I am also biased because this book is an honest account of the author’s horrific divorce, including the grieving, the eating, the praying, and then finding love. Those of you who have had a painful divorce will relate to Gilbert’s experience put on paper, for everyone to read. That takes guts! Gilbert grabs you in the Introduction where she explains the importance of the 108 plus one  bead on a string of beads called japa mala. So even before you start reading about her own divorce daze, the numerology in the Introduction pulls you in.

Here’s a couple of sentences from Book One in which the author shares her feelings about her breakup:

If I’d had any way of knowing that things were–as Lily Tomlin once said–going to get a whole lot worse before they got worse, I’m not sure how well I would have slept that night. But seven very difficult months later, I did leave my husband.  When I finally made that decision, I thought the worst was over. This only shows how little I knew about divorce.

This book was #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List and it deserved to be there, in my opinion.  Even if you see the movie first, I urge you to read the book so you can grasp the flavor of Gilbert’s feelings page by page, rereading parts that strike home and moving through the divorce aftermath as a reader.

The softcover version sells for $15.00 and is available from Amazon.com. If you click on the icon below, it will take you directly to Amazon